Wow its been a long time...finally over Sarah..w00t...and now im with Krista...shes a sweetie.... so yeah heres somethign since i havent posted in a loooooonnnnnggggg while
YOu know what? I want to get the fuck outta this hell hole! Im sick of this backwater state. I want to just pack my fucking bags and leave. Im tried of being yelled at for random things i didnt even do, or be bitched at for something so small. Im tired of it. I thought my options over, and the only one i thought of that would work is leaving after im old enough to. Cause 1.) i cant go to my dads house, i hate being alone and ill be alone all the time. 2.) I cant kill myself, to many people who love me will be really really sad. 3.) I cant leave now i wanna take Sarah with me. Well for now im going to destroy some things.
Im done with everything...Im through...No more...Im sick of being steped on. Im tired of being used as some boy toy. Im tired of life, plain and simple. For all you people that care, if im acting different, im sorry...I just cant be myself right now. I dont know what to think anymore, i dont know whats real anymore, I dont even know if my exsistance means something. So for now im going to go brood on thoughts and idea's maybe wright a few pomes or something. Hopefully I'll be over this by tuesday. So later all.
LOL, yesterday was a good day. I got to spend time with Sarah, and all my other friends. It was great. I swear george was about to have a spaz attack at when he saw us all in his living room. but yeah... Im going to be sad on wed. My love is leaving me for a little while...though i shouldnt complain i was gone for almost 2 weeks. WEll anyways, i have alot to do right now so ill try and keep up with my journal from now on. Later all! =)
Yeah thats right im a fuck up. *curls into a ball* Alisha and Jessica (my ex girlfriends) were both right. Im a waste of time, space, and money. All I'll ever be is a Woman's play thing. Some sort of Toy to make someone jealous, or hate me. I should just curl up in the corner of my room and dissapear from everyone's life, cause if im not being a woman's play toy, I'm probably going to hurt my friends without meaning too. Yeah, I have to get new battieres for the Tazer. After 3 hours and puking 5 times, the batteries died. So my stomachs really sore right now but it doesnt matter. That and i've come to a conclusion. Sarah deserves much better than me. but like i said she deserves better than me. All i am is a good for nothing usless slab of meat. thats all i am, a Slab of meat. Well im going to find batteries. See you all later if i dont fry first.
Oy, I am falling apart. Waking up sore every morning. The pain dissapates a little during the day then comes back as double when i lay down to sleep at night. I tried sleeping on the floor last night and that hurt quiet a bit. I think my spine was being stretched out from it's usual position and straightened out. In the morning my body wasnt happy with me. It was easier to sit up and walk around but the Pain in my back came back double during the day when it went back to it's old position. So yeah i think it's working though. Yeah i went today sofar without Sarah. *sniffles* I misses her. Well hopefully I'll talk to her tonight. If not i can talk to her tomorrow. Well Later all.
Wow two in one day...I feel bad...cause i told Sarah i was eating when i havnt been...*looks down in shame* i still feel horrible about it... Well had a interesting day today though. Got to spend about 8 hours with Sarah! *Does happy dance* *sniffles* I already miss her. well i gotta go talk to you people later
Wow, Im on major guilt trip right now. -_- Yeah i know i said i couldnt get angry at Jake for what he said last night...but to be honest i did get a little upset. Hey who wouldnt? but now i feel really guilty about it. 2 reasons actually 1.) He's had a really bad time at the moment... and 2.) He lives in Colorado...So yeah im having the biggest guilt trip at the moment... *starts laughing* Im so fuggin stupid... Well later all...*sighs* I still feel guilty
Why do i get that feeling the i seem to be the one always fucking things up? maybe cause it is I dunno...Sometimes when i do things like that i feel like finding someway of hurting myself to make up for it...Maybe thats why im sore all the time from all the times i've hurt myself for fucking something up of hurting someone...Yeah thats probably it... Well im gonna cause some self inflicted pain. LATER all
God I've woken up the last 12 sore, usually its just my back, but today it was my left shoulder and right elbow along with me back. Yeah i know why am i falling apart at such an early age i have no idea...but hopefully the pace slows so i can enjoy life more. *smiles* well at least i have Sarah to comfort me. Well im gonna go
Less than 5 hours of saying in have to watch what I say i totally FUCK UP. GOD I HATE MYSELF. someone needs to strike me down and feed me to the fish. Im so stupid....well im gonna try and talk to her...so yeah.
Hey how r all of ya. Me im doing good. had to give my cat a bath today. FUN FUN. but yeah if you know me im head over heels over Sarah. LOL but yeah to be honest i need to watch what i say and do...yeah...cause i dont want to do anything to hurt her. SO yeah i need to go process thoughts tty all later.
Wow i had a interesting day. Well i look like a lobster at the moment. Got burnt but hey i'll tan afterwards. But yeah hoping to see Sarah tomorrow ^_^. It'll be great to see her again. The last time i spent time with her was Wednesday but still i like the time i spent with her. well im dragging bad and ready to crash so im only gonna be on a little longer. Night all
Woot turned 16 today boy do i feel special *does happy dance* Heh got PIXY STIX from Kiva! WOOT! Wow i dont feel any older LOL must not be there yet.. LOL well im gonna enjoy my convo with Sarah now later all
WOW today was...boring...well untill i got home that is then i talked to Sarah ^_^ YAY! but yeah it was boring at the retierment party we had to go to...more of a whole bunch of old guys standing around drinking beer while i sat and stared at the sky kinda thing so yeah. We'll i got 2 things to be happy about today though. GOT TO TALK TO SARAH! yeah i know i seem over excessive about it but why does it matter to you? and the second is i got my Exalted book! SO yeah im bored and tired so im gonna try and get some sleep. LAter ALL!
WOW i felt like such a fool...and a MORON but hey whats new. I still fell really bad about things i've done which i dont want to mention, But yeah i completly fucked up. so may the gods strike me down and use my body as fertlizer. *Bangs head on desk* Wow im gonna go inflict some more self pain. Later All.
Damn just got through my first of the 2nd day exams almost 2 periods ago with 3 days no sleep. fun fun. also running on no food since saturday lunch. SO yeah nothing much to say just hope i dont fall alseep during the last exam today. Well i think my thoughts are right Sarah seems mad at me...awell i feel i did the right thing. So yeah Im gonna go web surf now. WOW and i feel lonly so yeah Later all. OH and Hang Loose.
Wow im so fuggin tired but i cant sleep. Not after what i was told by Sarah...and you know i dont care if shes mad at me right now i'd perfer my friends not to hurt themselves so i think im just gonna stay awake and alert for awhile though it'll be hard.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
twitchie1's journal
pissed off
blank
loved
SelfDestructive, Sore, Unloved
sore
Guilty, Slefdestructive
lonely
contemplative
hopeful
flirty
tired
